When it comes to mental health, exposing the wound actually brings healing much faster than covering it up.
The other day, I wanted to curse at my Twitter feed more than I ever have.
A certain sports talk show celebrity — I use that term lightly — claimed Dallas Cowboys QB Dak Prescott needed to toughen up. Prescott had spoken publicly about dealing with anxiety and depression after the death of his mother and suicide of his brother.
“All throughout this quarantine and this offseason, I started experiencing emotions I’ve never felt before,” Prescott said in a podcast interview (h/t CBS Sports). “Anxiety for the main one. And then, honestly, a couple of days before my brother passed, I would say I started experiencing depression. And to the point of, I didn’t want to work out anymore. I didn’t know necessarily what I was going through, to say the least, and hadn’t been sleeping at all.”
This sports talk show celebrity who I shall not name went on to say that Prescott should not have shared it and that he needed to toughen up, “rise above it.” The celebrity shared that Prescott shouldn’t have shared anything “for the good of the franchise.”
Give me a break.
I’m so tired of these things, and while I hate addressing specific instances — especially after said sports talk show celebrity was appropriately reamed over the coals for his comments and lack of compassion — this situation brings up a couple things I just can’t hold in right now.
Being a man and a leader doesn’t mean you can’t show weakness.
The best leaders I’ve ever followed are ones that freely admit their weakness and flaws. Not just that they don’t have a great short-term memory or they sometimes are late to appointments — that there are things about them that are fundamentally imperfect. Whether it’s a character flaw or something out of their control, those admissions are powerful. It also sends a signal to the group of “followers” that it’s OK to struggle.
I think of musicians I love — Lauv, Jeremy Zucker and Sasha Sloan come to mind — who have shaped my view of myself by being honest about their mental health issues. Athletes like Dak, Demar Derozan, Robin Lehner and Michael Phelps. Other figures like Justin Bieber and Demi Lovato have made statements and worked hard to try to kill stigma.
But that stigma still persists, whether subtle or non-subtle.
I grew up in a Christian subculture that made strength and stability the aim for males. Showing weakness of any kind — physical, mental or spiritual — was frowned upon. Just pray about it, read your Bible. Then get back up. I went to a camp every summer that made a big deal out of “man up” and being strong.
I was never physically strong, which sucked at first, but eventually I became OK with that. To a point (more on that at another time). But my mental and emotional self has never consistently been “strong.” Spiritually, even less so.
A friend and I were talking about the Dak Prescott comments and he quipped, quite accurately and appropriately, that toxic masculinity was still alive and well. By putting mental and emotional stability at the premium that it is, we don’t leave space for those men like me and Dak that aren’t always there. Why can’t we struggle too? If Dak or myself had a major hernia that prevented us from getting out of bed, you wouldn’t fault us from taking a couple days off of work to rest and get it sorted out.
What makes this any different?
Money needs to be spent on programs and personnel to address this.
I don’t like taking political stands. I really don’t. But there are a couple areas where I feel more than comfortable, and this is one of them.
Any politician that doesn’t have a goal or plan when it comes to mental health is missing out on one of the most significant ways we can help people: money.
I’m so thrilled about the organizations that are pouring money into mental health initiatives, public and private. I just donated $100 to the National Alliance on Mental Illness’ North Carolina branch, and I encourage you to do the same for your state’s branch: https://www.nami.org/findsupport.
But if your local, state or federal government isn’t actively increasing their spending on mental health, they’re failing their citizens. Why? Mental health is connected to everything: educational outcomes, people staying employed, healthcare costs, crime rates, drug use, housing, nutrition, religion, All of it.
How does this happen? A couple ways:
- Increase funding to school districts for more school nurses, counselors and social workers. This would take some of the mental health response burden off of teachers — most of whom would give an arm and a leg to help, but just don’t know how because that’s not what they’re trained for — and into the hands of trained professionals.
- Require all law enforcement departments to be thoroughly trained in mental health crisis response, OR require them to hire mental health professionals who can provide that response when needed.
- Enforcing mental health parity laws when it comes to private health insurers. Right now, the US is struggling.
You might say, “Money doesn’t fix anything.” You’re right. But money helps give us the tools we need to fix things.
Don’t let bullies prevent you from sharing your truth.
How have we as humans ever found solutions to our problems, victory over our struggles? By being real about it! By speaking the truth about it and coalescing to find solutions. By making those solutions available consistently, clearly and easily to all who need them.
By realizing that mental health issues affect some portions of our population disproportionately — the Hispanic/Latinx community and LGTBQ+ teeenagers come to mind. By understanding that mental health care isn’t the same across the board, as quoted below from a NAMI article:
“In the decade since the Surgeon General’s landmark publication, its basic findings of striking disparities for minorities in mental health services have not changed. As shown in the most recent National Healthcare Quality and Disparities Reports, racial and ethnic minorities still have less access to mental health services than whites, and when they receive care, it is more likely to be of poorer quality.”
If you’re a part of one of those historically marginalized populations or not, if you’re suicidal or just feeling anxiety for the first time, don’t let people like that sports talk show celebrity bully you into staying silent. Be you.
When it comes to mental health, exposing the wound actually brings healing much faster than covering it up.
